How's Your Ego Doing?

I woke up this morning and decided to kill my ego. 

That’s the attention-grabbing start to “Just Let Go” by Sturgill Simpson on his amazing album, “Metamodern Sounds in Country Music.” 

My mind flashed to this song recently while talking with a coaching client. He was sharing how he’s grappling with the impostor syndrome and general rumination and self-criticism about what he said in recent meetings. 

A more rigorous definition of ego is more than just what we think of ourselves, but the common usage as our sense of self – and how big someone’s ego might be – is core to it. Of course, an oversized ego is a typical workplace issue and complaint. A small ego doesn’t draw the same rebuke. In fact, it might be experienced positively, as humility. Despite the energy and attention big egos get, I think small egos are the more significant problem. 

I see two problems with a small ego: (1) People self-edit and present a less impactful manifestation of themselves. That robs their co-workers of their potential gifts and contributions. (2) A small ego leads to rumination and self-criticism, sucking energy and attention away from the real work. 

(It’s worth noting the gender and culture dimensions of ego. It seems clear women, in many contexts, are subject to particular forces that lead them to diminish their standing. And in certain cultures, such as in Scandinavia, there’s a value on conformity and modesty.)    

For myself, a difficult “small ego” time came as a young consultant on a four-month client engagement in Hong Kong. I spent virtually every night alone in the hotel room worried about the project and how I was doing. I finally had the epiphany that this nightly rumination was (1) making me miserable (2) causing me to underserve my client, who would be helped if I thought more about them and less about me. I decided at that point to have a short, nightly self-evaluation, and then direct my energy to preparing for the next day. 

So back to my client. I said, on a lark: “Have you ever heard of Sturgill Simpson?”  It turns out he LOVES Sturgill Simpson. When I mentioned “Just Let Go,” he said, “I’m definitely going to listen to that song again.” Sometimes music is a great teacher, especially at the emotional level. 

Whoever you are, here’s my suggestion: take a moment and think about the health of your ego. How could you, your coworkers, your organization, and people in your life outside of work benefit from a bigger and bolder version of you?